The Law of the Land and the Law of the Church

 Many United Methodists church people may be wondering what today’s Supreme Court decision means for our church. It turns out that the law of the land and the law of the UMC are sometimes different things. First of all, our Discipline is clear that no United Methodist pastor can ever be forced to perform a wedding that they do not wish. Other than scheduling conflicts, I’ve only said “no” once, many years ago, to a couple whose vision for their wedding ceremony did not match my understanding of a wedding as a sacred event. They were able to find someone else to perform their ceremony in accordance with their wishes, but that person did not have to be me. Likewise, any pastor of any denomination who objects to same-sex marriage will not be forced to perform a same-sex wedding.

While no pastors can be forced to perform a wedding, United Methodist pastors can be forced NOT to perform a wedding. In the early days of my ministry, we were taught that we could only perform weddings for which there was a valid marriage license. Back in the day, same-sex marriages fell under that “valid marriage license” rule. Today, however, our Discipline goes farther and states clearly that it is a chargeable offense for clergy to perform “ceremonies that celebrate same-sex unions,” nor may anyone celebrate those unions within a United Methodist church. 

No matter what the Supreme Court has ruled, under church law I am not allowed to perform same-sex marriages.

The next General Conference, which is our only venue in which to change church law, will be next May. Delegates have been elected from Annual Conferences throughout the world. Based on what I observe, I believe that the delegates from the United States would likely vote to change church law. However, 40% of General Conference delegates will come from other countries, many of which are much more socially conservative on this issue.  I am not sure that a way forward exists in our current governance, but delegates might begin to make some changes to enable future change.

Those are the facts. What am I feeling on this historic day? I am so very proud of my nation, and I am thankful to live in a place where we find some of our greatest strength in our diversity. Being a huge fan of marriage, I’m thankful for all of the people who will now get to make a lifelong to commitment of love and fidelity to one another in a full, legal manner. Andy and I welcome you to the joy of marriage, saying, “Jump on in, the water’s fine!” 

I am deeply pained, however, in a day and age where millennials find the church increasingly irrelevant, to find myself stuck on the sidelines when people want to get married. I know good people, both gay and straight, who stay away from the church because of this issue. It is no secret that there are people of faith who are opposed to gay marriage, but it seems to be a well-guarded secret that there are people of faith who support faithful, loving marriage for all. When we are prevented from performing all marriages, the secret is kept. 

For today, though, congratulations to our nation! Congratulations to all couples, straight and gay, who seek to live in lifelong, legal commitment to one another, and may God grant all of us grace and strength and joy to live out our vows.

My 30th Annual Conference

I was 22 when I asked my then-senior pastor about attending my first Annual Conference. I was dreading it, but he responded with enthusiasm. “It’s a great time,” he said. “My wife and I take an RV and make a vacation of it every year.”  Mentally, I rolled my eyes.  Take an RV to Annual Conference? Have fun while you’re stuck at in days of meetings with a bunch of preachers?  I vowed that I would never, ever have a life where Annual Conference was the high point of my calendar. 

It’s funny how things can change over 30 years. No, I have not bought an RV, but everything else looks entirely different. I’m starting to feel the familiar tingle of anticipation that I get each year. Conference will be here soon- yippee! What in the world has happened to me?

What has happened to me is exactly what I imagine John Wesley thought would happen to his preachers. You see, when we are sent to a church as a pastor, we do not join the church. Our families might join the church, but our clergy membership is in the Annual Conference, not the local church.  While this detail may seem like a technicality, it reflects the reality I experience. 

When we gather as an Annual Conference, it’s like a family reunion. I see clergy colleagues and laity from around the state that I have been blessed to know. We share in traditions, such as beginning each Conference by singing “And Are We Yet Alive.”  Thirty years ago, I never would have imagined that singing this song would make my eyes well up, but it does.

I remember feeling like I was surrounded by strangers my first couple of years. The only pastor I did know was notorious for picking up his name badge, attending the first session, and then disappearing for the rest of Conference. In those days before cell phones, I sat alone in my room a lot those years, unable to communicate with anyone I knew. Thirty years later, I look forward to seeing and playing with dear friends from across the state. 

Sometimes we debate and argue, although we do those things a lot less frequently these days. Even the debates have a familiar ring and feel like “us,” kind of like when families slip into familiar patterns of the mom complaining about it being too cold and the kids asking if we’re there yet. We make motions and vote, and, even when the outcome is not what I had hoped, it still feels like a family decision. Thirty years ago, I never expected to find such easy familiarity with parliamentary wrangling.

When I first started attending Conference, I dreaded the retirement and memorial services in particular. There were long speeches to hear and lists of strangers’ names to read, and the services seemed interminable. Thirty years later, I listen intently to the retirement speeches, appreciating humor and gleaning wisdom. The names at the memorial service now are often the names of friends and colleagues. And I know that one day, it is be my name that will be read.

After thirty years, there are not many new experiences left for me at Annual Conference, but this year I will have a particularly precious one. My daughter Vera will be there, receiving her first appointment as a supply pastor to Maple Grove UMC.  She has never been to Conference before, although she did attend one Minister’s School in 1993 when she was just a few months old and still nursing. I am so excited for her! I’ve already tried to impart some wisdom from my experiences, such as dressing warmly for the frigid convention center and wearing comfortable shoes. There’s so much more I want to tell her, but she’ll mostly figure it out for herself. She’s pretty brilliant that way. As I type these words, I realize. . .

I haven’t told her to buy an RV yet. But I just might, one of these days.