Our Father grew up in a different time, and so much of who
he was was defined by the times.
Dad grew up in Homewood, Alabama, a suburb of Birmingham
before it was a suburb, the youngest of three boys. His grandfather came over from Wales to work
in the coal mines. Our father grew up
roaming the hills around his home freely, hills that are now developed
subdivisions. When he and his friends at age 16 decided to take off in their
cars on a trip, the chief of police gave them a note that said, “These are good
boys from good families.” They travelled around, showing the note when they
arrived in each town and sleeping in fields.
These times were not idyllic, of course. Dad had adventures and a few
misadventures. He was in a car accident at a young age and left for dead.
Thankfully, he wasn’t, or none of us children would be here.
It also meant that he grew up in Bull Connor’s Birmingham in
the nascent days of the civil rights movement.
Those days had an impact on him, and he was always a positive force for
desegregation in the South.
His first career was as a journalist for the Atlanta Journal.
He won awards for his writing on city issues in the late 50’s and early 60’s. He
shone a light on civil rights issues in the city. He researched the slums of Atlanta, by
walking and talking to the residents. He even named names of slumlords, which
was a risky thing at the time. He
interviewed Martin Luther King, Jr. the night he was in the Atlanta jail.
Dad moved to the Georgia Safety Council. For us kids, that
was the most exciting career ever, because he brought the Safety Bug to our
house! The Safety Bug was a Volkswagon
Bus decorated like a lady bug that could talk and teach children about safety.
We never noticed that the voice sounded strangely like our father’s. While
there, he also worked with then-Governor Jimmy Carter on seatbelt legislation. During
these years, Dad also continued his involvement in civic and civil rights. Among other things, he worked with Andrew
Young and others to ensure a peaceful desegregation of the Atlanta swimming
pools.
He worked for the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce, and then as Vice
President for Urban Affairs of Georgia State University. While there, he earned his PhD in Education,
a huge accomplishment! He also did most
of the work to enable Georgia State to start a law school.
Dad was a wonderful father. Dad enjoyed being with his
children. When he got home, we’d all yell “Dad’s home!” and go running. He
would pick us up, with a big smile. He was always happy to see us. If you called him at his office, he would
drop what he was doing and pick up the phone immediately.
He took Jim to Indian Guides, where Jim was Quick Rabbit and
Dad was Slow Turtle. In Boy Scouts, on a father/son hiking trip, Dad was always
one of the few fathers that actually showed up.
Dad decided on the spur of the moment that he and Jim would learn to
scuba dive together. “We’ll never do it
if we don’t do it now,” and so they did.
There were times of throwing a baseball in the back yard. Dad would tell
wonderful stories. He would read Nancy Drew, Jerry Todd, Poppy Ott, and Hardy
Boys books out loud to the children, buying the latest Nancy Drew book whenever
it came out. Dad shared his interest in
models and stamp collecting with his children. Dad was an avid birdwatcher, and
it was a gift he shared with his children and grandchildren. When he and Jim,
and later his grandson Winston, went birdwatching early in the morning, it
wasn’t so much looking at the birds as it was being together.
Every Christmas, he would be the first one to go in to light
the fire in the fireplace and turn on the Christmas tree lights. He would sit by the tree and distribute the
presents. One year, he even assembled an entire swingset in our living room, so
that we would be surprised when we walked in on Christmas morning!
Many memories of Dad as a father have to do with our family
vacations to Florida. Each morning, Dad
would be the one to get up early with the squirmy, excited kids. We would go on
a long beach walk, picking up shells. Then we would go for a swim in the ocean,
always in water just beyond where we could touch. Then afterwards, we would swim in the
pool. After dark, we would go hunt ghost
crabs on the beach.
He worked hard and long hours, but he still took the time to
be a good father. In fact, in an age nowadays of so many absentee fathers, Jim
has known that he would never be one, because of the example that Dad set.
In the same way that he loved his children, Dad loved his grandchildren
dearly: Tori, Mary, Winn, Robert,
Caroline, Vera, and Betsie. He kept up with their lives and was very proud of
them. The grandkids always enjoyed
seeing Vee-Vee and Grandaddy.
Mom and Dad moved to KC in the early 1980’s. After as stint
in Kansas City as President of American Humanics, they left for Belize and then
Jamaica with the Peace Corps. Being
Country Director of the Peace Corps is actually a presidential appointment. Dad
was not the same flavor of politician as the President at the time, so he
wasn’t sure that he would get the appointment. However, the Peace Corps in
Belize needed some work, and so they chose my father for his abilities as a
problem solver. After three years in Belize, he had done such a good job
cleaning up things there that they sent him to Jamaica for three more years to
do the same thing.
Mom and Dad were able to spend 13 good years of retirement
travelling around the world. They loved
their travels and have many photo albums to bear witness to their journeys. When
Mom got breast cancer, Dad cared for her.
Here’s the thing about that. Before Mom’s illness, Dad was a typical man
of his generation. He didn’t do the
cooking or the housework. For him, gourmet cooking was opening a jar of
Cheez-Whiz, a can of deviled ham, and a sleeve of Premium saltines. Once Mom got sick, though, Dad started
cooking! True, he brought in a wide
variety of foods many nights, but he also sought out cooking advice from the kids.
You see, most of all, Dad loved our mother. They met at a
high school house party in Florida. Mom thought he was terribly skinny, and he
was sporting an ice-pick injury from a frat house game. But their love was true and deep and extended
until the present. When going through Dad’s papers, we discovered that he kept
a love letter on his desk that he wrote to Mom before they got married. It is
beautiful. In one part, as he is
describing their marriage, he says, “Darling, I wish you knew how much I am
anticipating us spending quiet evenings at home. We’re going to have to get a
t.v. set so you can sit on my lap and watch it.
I find myself daydreaming about it more and more. Let’s spend about 90%
of the time being lovey dovey and the other 10% being serious.” He closed the letter with “My darling, we are
going to be the happiest, most in love couple that ever got married. Good night my darling, I love you.”
For Dad, being with Mom was the most important thing. Whether
he was moving across the country or to another country entirely, he needed Mom
by his side. In fact, Mom was an
important part of his work as Country Director of the Peace Corps, and he loved
having her by his side as they worked with the Peace Corps volunteers together.
One more story: Once we were going camping on the Sewanee
River with his brother Winn’s family.
So, we loaded up the big old station wagon and set off, getting terribly
lost while taking a shortcut. As they
were trying to find their way to the campsite, Mom and Dad finally saw the
other family in the distance. Dad turned onto a tiny trail – not the right way- that got smaller and
smaller until it dead ended at a rickety wooden bridge with a big sign that
said “condemned.” There was no way to turn around; the only option was to drive
over this terrible bridge towing a pop-up trailer. So Mom and the kids got out
of the car, carrying as much as we could. We waited and watched, because the
bridge looked too flimsy to even walk over.
And Dad drove the car slowly and carefully over that tiny bridge while
they watched, and he made it over.
That’s what it feels like now. Dad has crossed over to the
other side of death while we have watched him go first. Once again, he is
leading the way, showing us how to get there safely.
