Is Facebook Making You Sad?

“Is Facebook Making Us Sad?” As someone who spends time on Facebook, my curiosity was piqued bythe title of this article (available at http://www.slate.com/id/2282620/). The premise is that people who use Facebook are more likely to overestimate how happy other people are, which, in turns, magnifies their own less-than-happy state. To quote the article, authored by Libby Copeland,

“Facebook is, after all, characterized by the very public curation of one's assets in the form of friends, photos, biographical data, accomplishments, pithy observations, even the books we say we like. Look, we have baked beautiful cookies. We are playing with a new puppy. We are smiling in pictures (or, if we are moody, we are artfully moody.) Blandness will not do, and with some exceptions, sad stuff doesn't make the cut, either. The site's very design—the presence of a "Like" button, without a corresponding "Hate" button—reinforces a kind of upbeat spin doctoring.”

Yes, Facebook does encourage us to share the happy things in our lives. If I have had a difficult meeting at church, or if I’m worried about something at home, or if I think the dog hasn’t pooped enough because the snow is too deep . . . I don’t mention it on Facebook. It doesn’t surprise me that we tend to emphasize the positive when we choose to share snippets of ourselves with the world.

What does surprise me is that other people’s happiness causes us unhappiness. The main point of the article, after all, is not that we tend to portray a spiffed-up version of ourselves. The point is that these upbeat self-portraits create sadness in others. I don’t think that we begrudge other people their trips to Disneyworld, or fun in the snow, or perfectly decorated cookies. I think it is that these happy posts can make us feel isolated. After all, who wants to feel like they are the only person in the world whose life isn’t perfect? Can it be that feeling alone is an even worse feeling than being unhappy?

The solution is not to emphasize the downside of life on Facebook. “Huge bills are due, my spouse is having an affair, and the dog is dying” is a cry for help, not a Facebook status. I think a better solution is to make sure that we have relationships that are deeper and more authentic than blurbs shared with the internet. We need people whose real lives we know, including the ups and downs. We need those who know us as we are, and who love us anyway. Those relationships might exist at church, or family, or work . . . it doesn’t matter where, as long as they exist.

I’m currently at a conference where we are talking about some of the new ethical issues for clergy created by the internet. The internet, including Facebook, is changing human interaction forever. And yet . . . regardless of the medium, authenticity in relationships is ultimately what we desire. Authenticity does happen on Facebook (I’ve seen it), but it is not guaranteed. Make sure you hold out for the real thing.

Words

I’ve learned the hard way to be aware of the words I say publicly, as much as possible. Words can do damage. Vulnerable people can be harmed by words I say. Sometimes, after a sermon, people will take issue with a point with which they disagree. I appreciate those who take the time to ask questions or share a different perspective. However, some people will simply melt away from the church, no longer able to find “home” because of something I said. They may have felt condemned, offended, or disrespected by words that came out of my mouth.

The first of Three Simple Rules,a wonderful book by Reuben Job, is “Do No Harm.” I take that rule seriously. The pulpit is a precious gift, an unparalleled opportunity to share good news. One verbal misstep, and quickly good news becomes bad news to a hurting soul.

I know that we are in the early days of shock and finger-pointing about the shooting in Arizona. Our need for an orderly universe compels us to identify why such a thing could happen. It appears that mental illness is involved. The other contributing factors that made this particular person choose these particular targets are still being debated. However . . .

When one creates a map with rifle crosshairs over an individual’s name, why would one be surprised when that person is shot? When the rhetoric of our time includes phrases like, “Don’t retreat, RELOAD” or “find Second Amendment solutions” to problematic politicians, then, when violence erupts, why do we try to pretend that our words don’t really matter after all?

I just read a blog entry by a member of my last church, Courtney Cole. She ran for the Missouri House this fall. She lost. On election day, she was at one of the polling sites when she encountered a candidate of the other party, who was running in a different race. Read his account of the incident in the police report that was filed: “According to him they argued and increased until she asked if he was going to hit her. His reply was, ‘No but can you outrun a nine millimeter?’” The county prosecutor, also a member of the opposing political party as Courtney Cole, declined to prosecute. “Can you outrun a nine millimeter???” When did it become okay for one politician to threaten to shoot another politician with a gun?

Our words have power. The gift of speech is a wonderful gift from God. And, like most of God’s gifts to us, we can use it for wonderful things or for hateful things. Our words can inspire, can show love, can give hope. Or, they can do the opposite. If one person was going to take the words you speak today seriously enough to act upon--- what would be the result?